My mother and father were in a car accident when my mother was pregnant with me. My brother , 1 and 1/2 years old had a severe gash on his head with lots of blood, as all head wounds bleed so much. I realize that this fear and trauma affected me as well. I had a dream last night where I saw the accident and all the blood. It was very disturbing but it showed me how this was imprinted on me in the womb and helped me understand how it affected my life. There are so many things that imprint on us before we are fully conscious. We go through life, often not aware that we are acting out early traumas. Most people who know me have always said I was so calm in so many circumstances and that they felt calmer around me. However, there was always a piece of me that wasn’t calm. I learned to meditate at age 11 from a book and have had meditation as a lifelong practice. It’s amazing how peaceful one can feel when meditating and then still feel anxious at other times. I often thought I couldn’t possibly lose this sense of peace. You then go out into the life you are living and WOWSER!, things shake you up.
We get so trapped in the illusion that we confuse money with love and accumulations of stuff as security yet the true love and security comes from within and in our relationships with one another. It never was about the stuff or the money. I am incredibly grateful for all my teachers and practices that have helped me get to this understanding.