Wrestling with Oneness


I have been writing a book for some time now about oneness and it has really been a challenge.  It was intended to be a simple book about my experiences of oneness yet, as many books do, it began writing itself.  I was taken through so many experiences of separation from the oneness which nearly drove me to madness.  Who knew that was there?  After all, I had worked with people who had experienced deep trauma and assisted them in recovery.  I had meditated since age 11 and had so many beautiful experiences of oneness.  Yet, the unconscious has its way in delivering the goods so to speak.  I am humbly writing now mostly to remind myself of teachings I learned along the way and to comfort myself regarding the state of the world and our country right now.

I loved going to the ashram as it felt like home the first time I set foot there.  Never had I experienced such peace and harmony.  I felt bathed in love.  It was wonderful to go to the Psychotherapy conferences that were held there for several years.  One of the most powerful yet simple practices was to remind myself, “there is nothing that exists that is not Shiva, See God in each other.”  I applied this to every difficult situation and person that I encountered.  Sometimes, I would get a sign, such as a sense or seeing a twinkle in someone’s eye that served as a reminder of this truth.  It happened several times which made some scary or overwhelming situations melt into a peaceful feeling of love.  This made my work incredibly easier.  People would often be surprised as I took on the cases that no one else wanted and had success.  I knew without a doubt that it wasn’t me doing the work and gave a silent thanks.  If I had mentioned to one of my colleagues the practices I used, they would thought me insane.  Yet, interestingly enough, the county approved my attendance at these workshops every year.

One time, shortly after beginning my visits to the ashram, I had the mystical experience of a kundalini awakening.  I was sound asleep and was “awakened” by the sudden jolt of electricity running through my body.  I could see with  my mind’s eye all the meridians and nadis being lit up and felt the beautiful power running through me.  This was accompanied by a vision of a large ball of light with little balls coming from it down to earth and then returning to it.  I “knew” that this was all of us coming from source to earth, living here and returning to source.  It was filled with love.  I have tried to remember this always when confronted with life experiences yet this has been a challenge for me to be perfectly honest.  Another experience that has influenced me was a dream I had while at the ashram.  I had the vision of a gardener planting a flower and in an instant I sensed myself as the flower, the gardener and the dirt.  I could feel all of it at the same time.  Such love!!!!!

So I write this now for myself as I am continuing to struggle with the state of the world and my country.  The degree of pollution, corruption, greed, cruelty seems more than my sensitive soul can handle.  Yes, in meditation I still find peace.  I guess I struggle with the oneness again though.  It takes constant practice to See God in Each Other during these times.  If everything is a mirror to our own inner shadows, then we all have so much more healing to do.  It’s hard to believe we can hold so much in our unconscious yet each of us must find the way to loving hold and heal these aspects of ourselves so that our world can reflect our heart’s desires.  I am grateful I have made it this far in my journey.  My love and prayers to all of us.  NAMASTE!!!!!!!!



About pamster55

I have meditated since age 11 and have loved everything about nature since very young. I was a licensed clinical social worker for 27 years working with children, adolescents, adults, students, families and couples. I maintain a small private practice now. I am very committed to the environment and using my education and experience to make this world a better place. I love reading and writing, sewing, knitting, drawing and painting. Creativity and nature are my passions.
This entry was posted in environment, healing, meditation, mental health, peace, self love, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Wrestling with Oneness

  1. Pingback: Wrestling with Oneness | My Blog I am just trying to figure it out~

  2. kim galpin says:

    As someone who has known you for almost 50 years I believed I truly knew you Pam. Reading your writings is giving me a deeper sense of knowing you. And for that I am eternally grateful!! I love you so much and give thanks to Our Creator for allowing us to be on this journey of life together. XO

  3. pamster55 says:

    I am grateful for the gift of being on this journey with you!! XO

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